A few words before next drawing

I would like to show you all my drawings in order from the oldest one, but I don’t have all of it or I don’t have some of them on the pictures. Anyway I still have few to put on the blog. I never was in the school of art or anything like this. All I was doing was drawing, drawing more drawing and books reading. I’ve started drawing because I’ve always liked paintings of great masters of art like Leonardo Da Vinci, Michaelangelo Buonarotti or Peter Paul Rubens. I knew that I cannot have their works but I thought that I can make a copy of my favourites paintings. This is also why I’ve never look for my style or anything like that, it simply wasn’t my goal 🙂 Drawing a copy of your favourite painting is not only joyful because you can hang it on the wall but it also bring great satisfaction, that you are able to do something look similar to the one of the greatest art work.
If someone want to ask me why I never had ambition to go on university of art or to find my own style, here’s the answear.
I’ve never was in any university just because I hadn’t enough self confidence and self esteem to believe in myself. That’s the only reason.
And you can treat this as excuse but it’s hard to have self confidence and self esteem when all people around you make you feel like you are not worthy including family and teachers. Kids can be cruel and this is not surprising, they are often not aware of what they are doing or what their words can do to the others. However when teacher is telling to a child something like he is not worthy to get a better education or something like this, shouldn’t be a teacher.
Some people have strong self confidence and self esteem even when everyone and everything seem to be against them and this is amazing for me.
Well I simply wasn’t like this. Fortunately today I have distance to myself and the things which are happening in my life and around the World
Self distance is real blessing which helps to know your limits, your weaknesses, to find your strength.

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Does it matter?

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It’s a reflection of the tree in a liquid

Sometimes when I reply on some posts by the comments, I see like after like and I’m thinking “what is all about, I didn’t wrote anything special”. Well this is only an example which can show, that some things can be normal to us or just “be”, can appear something special for the others.
I have also read recently kedawithani’s post hell ohhhhh october (link below)

https://kedawithani.wordpress.com/2017/09/30/hell-ohhhhh-october-%F0%9F%98%8E%F0%9F%98%8E%F0%9F%98%8E%F0%9F%98%97%F0%9F%98%97%F0%9F%98%99%F0%9F%98%99%F0%9F%98%99/

(I just don’t know how to make a short link, so forgive me, or not. It’s up to you.)
Anyway, it had remind me, how many times we don’t see what is around us and we treat this as a normal, when for somebody else it can be something special or even motivating, or showing a different perspective.
I wonder, how often we appreciate people and things around us, how often we appreciate everyday life, simple life for us, which can be something different for somebody else, maybe even strange, maybe incomprehensible.
Have a nice day and look around you.

The power of value

Have you ever wonder what is the greatest power in the entire World?
I think it’s the power of unity. United people can be unstoppable force…
But I don’t think is possible to unite humanity. We all have different values and for some reason it’s very hard for us to reach agreement or at least compromise. There always will be some people, who would like to rule and dictates conditions to the others of how to live and what is right or wrong. Those who desire power will do what they can to keep people (societies) divided. The reason is simple, when society is divided then is easier to rule. Divided society is just weak, not speak with one voice, not demand changes for better living and is easier to be steering by rulers. Divided society fighting against each other in effect of manipulation, without searching for logical solutions and compromises.
If I will ask, what is most valueable for you? there will be different answers, this is one of the reasons why we have to live in some compromises and respect to each other as much as selfrespect. It will also help to not abuse other people. Sometimes we by ourselves agree to being abused, because of the situation, because we want something.
Why we have to work? To live? To pay for food and for a house? To pay for anything?
So we are selling ourselves, because someone said so.
Why we have to pay? Because someone said so. Because someone made the rules, which had to be fair. But where it leaded us? What does it created? Greed.
Yes, yes, I know, money are needed for many reasons and they are easy to calculate value of everything. But is it really “of everything”? Does everything is on sale?
Money and other things are worth only this what we can give for it.
You want to find what is the real value of oney, then take as much as you can and go there where is no other man lives. Then you will find out what your money gives to you.
People are the power and the value, but we forgetting about this so often.
Respect and take care about people. Do you respect yourself? Do you want to be respected? How you want to be treated?
Of course I’m taking money for my work, but it doesn’t matter for me, how much I will earn, I will always do my best. Why? Because I’m doing it for the others and I will not do something what can harm someone.
Ok, World is not perfect place, because of our weaknesses, ignorance and arrogance.
Some people think, that they are better than others, some other think they are worse.
But we are just different. I know that some people are sick, violent, have mental problems, but this is not the point. The worst situation is when those people get the power to rule, then bad things are happening.
So what we can do? We can unite, at least in some particular things.
I know, this what I’m writing is like utopia, but do we really like this World how it is?
Cannot we make it a better place? Everything depends from us, not from U.S., but from US, us people.
How will look any reform, country or anything without people?
How will look war when soldiers from each side will refuse to fight? There will be no war, because who will fight? Our great leaders? No way, they are only strong to tell us what to do, how to live and to send soldiers to the front, to kill each other.
Are we so different to kill each other? Are we the enemies to each others?
Are we really so different, that we can accept it and live together on same planet? Is it really so hard? What is wrong with us?
Only rulers wants wars and convincing people, that it’s good. So if the rulers want to fight, let them fight with them selves, but let people to live their lifes.
What kind of reform will work without people? Only people are the factor which make the difference and things to work, not empty words and promises of politicians.
We, simple people, nations, societies, we have the real power, but we give this power to our governments…
We want governments to work for good of people and nation, to live in the place where is justice and where we can feel free and be happy. But because of some people we can’t enjoy it, as much as we should. There is always somone who brings oppression is it government or criminals or boss at work, who want us to work faster and longer and it will be the best if we will work for free…
Do I think my post will change something? I don’t think it will change the World, but maybe it will make that some of us will start look different on some things in life.
Maybe some will think a little bit about this what is valueable and accept, that for someone else, it can have different value. However it dosen’t mean to not respect values of others.
No matter where on this planet we live,we can be different, but we are not the enemies.
Let’s respect each other, it can make a big difference.

A few words that can change your day

“Nothing to lose” it’s not exactly what it seems to be.
People quite often like to say things, just because “that’s what people saying” or because “it’s sounds good” etc. like “I’m so depressed” or “I have nothing to lose”.
But what if you really think, that you are in the situation when you have nothing to lose?
It mean you are so wrong. As long you are alive you may have much more to lose than you think. It can also mean, that there is nothing left what you care about, which can show how bad your situation or your mood can be. This is the most common, when you just feel like you lose your life and there is nothing you care about. If that will make you to make some actions, which you always was affraid to do it may bring unexpected positive effects and bring back meaning to your life, or even raise you up to a higher level of your life.
The same situation bring the risk of making terrible mistakes. When you feel like everything is meaningless and pointless, you can start do things, which can really take you down.
When you will think, that you have nothing lose, because of your bad situation, then try to think about something else. It’s just to make a break and catch at least a little distance and maybe you will be able to look at the same situation from a different perspective, which can change a lot.

Forcing yourself – when it’s good and when it’s not

When it will provide positive consequneces. I like to go straight to the point 🙂
For those who would like to read a little bit more about this, here it is.
Why to force yourself to do anything you don’t want to do at all?
Because life is not about doing nice and pleasent things all the time and sometimes we simply need to do things, which we would like to avoid.
Why?
To live. We don’t have to do things, which doesn’t make us to live. It might be different things like eating, cleaning (yes cleaning and it’s important thing which can help you to stay healthy), working, etc. Ok, you may have a job you like and enjoy, you may have a house keeper and you don’t have to clean anything, so I gues, you’re the lucky one.
But even then it’s good to force yourself to do the hard things, just to appreciate this what you have. To change the point of view.
The other case is when you are doing something creative and it’s doesn’t matter is it part of your job or just a hobby, then it’s good to not force you to do this things when you don’t feel it. It wont be as good as it should be. Then it’s good to do different things, to make a break, to relax, or change enviroment.
When it’s happening for a long time and you feel it as a long time is good, because it’s mean you miss for it. Then you may try to force yourself to do it again, to feel it again.
But it have to be “you” by yourself, don’t try to be someone who you are not.

The point of view

Sites like this gathers people from around the World, which make easy to see so many points of view over other people, countries, nations and much much more.
Recently I had read some posts let’s say about points of view over different places.
We are often running to generalization and stereotypes and Mandy from thebrokegirlsguidetobetterliving blog (yes, it’s long name of the blog 😉 ) wrote really good article about stereotypes over Canada and Canadians. Here is the link:

https://thebrokegirlsguidetobetterliving.wordpress.com/2017/08/14/oh-canada-shining-some-northern-light-on-a-few-of-those-canadian-misconceptions-and-stereotypes-eh/

I had heard about a lot of different things and stereotypes about countries and about people as well. When I’m traveling to any country and talk with people it’s like quick verification of things I had heard about with reality. In other words traveling is something like: stereotypes meets reality.
Especially when it’s about big country, you can hear a lot of stories, how many of those are real? Probably only few of them yes, but the most is just empty words which have been repeated by people who even doesn’t know nothing about this country/people.
It’s like, when you are not sure about something and just heard some story from someone, do not repeat it until you find out how it really is.
When you know someone is from country you would like to hear about, it is quite possible, that this person can tell you only about own city/town and family and friends, maybe few known places from the country and that’s it.

What else than stereotypes people can say?
Whatever I’ll say it will be only in my name, my opinion, nothing else.
The other interesting thing is, that stereotypes are often about minorities. The special minorities, which are noisy, behaving in the way, that make them easy to see and by this creating view of all, which is wrong.
Have you heard about Compton? Here I found nice story with Compton in the background, just on Rosie’s blog Floridian Lifestyle, here is the link:

https://floridianlifestyle.wordpress.com/2017/08/14/a-weekend-in-los-angeles/

Who you will remember better, someone who is just going to work and back to home, doing shopping, have own hobby or just relax at home after work or someone like mentioned before?

Probably our mind need to create an image of things we don’t know, of places we’ve never been before or is it a blank space in our head?
If I’ll say Italy, Norway, France, Germany, Poland, Greece, USA, China, Canada, Russia, what will appear in your mind?
Wherever I was, I always had heard, that I’m so exceptional, only because I didn’t fit to some stereotypes and imaginations. I also have heard a lot of things about people living in some countries and I could say about everyone I’ve met “exceptional” only because they didn’t fit to stereotypes I’ve heard.
When I meet someone I’m asking: where you are from? from which town?
Now, if I will ask YOU, to tell me about your country, your town, yourself, what you will tell me?
Probably some exceptions, not the usual things which are often considered as “normal”.
Normal things mean boring for us.
But what is a norm in one place, doesn’t have to be a norm in other place.
So what you will tell me, unique things or usual things?

Let me know in the comment, what stereotypes about your country and people living in, you have known?

Take care and have a nice day.

Why I’ve started blogging

When I’m starting to write this post I don’t know how far it will go, so at the beggining I have to warn you it can be inappropriate story, especially if you are underage.

You have been warned.

In the section about me you can find what I’m writing about. In this post I’m going to clarify why it is like this.
I had no intentions to write about myself, but because some thoughts doesn’t give me peace and recently becoming even stronger and brings more anxiety I decided to throw it out from myself. I’m treating blogging as a kind of therapy, posting my thoughts about things which are important for me, but not personal things about my life.
I’m not convinced does internet is a right place to share facts from personal life, but I’m struggling last days more and more and feel like I have nothing to lose, so here I’m.
From the other hand all informations I may put here are not secret, that someone can use it against me, but still personal.
I hope to feel relief after publishing it, will that happen, I have no idea…
It’s highly possible I’ll be jumping from one topic to another and losing sense, but I hope not.
In India 15th of August is Independence day(more informations about it you can find here on The Shining Gem’s post
https://theshininggem.wordpress.com/2017/08/15/have-we-really-been-independent/
or here on beyOnd woRds_ post
https://wordpress.com/read/blogs/133959409/posts/25).
In my country we have two different holidays at same time, what brought me one thought, If I’m celebrating everyday, am I celebrating at all? When you are doing something everyday it becomess to be a norm, which means normal. So I should say, that I’m never celebrating, instead I’m trying to appreaciate every single day of my life enjoying of surrounding world as much as possible. But it have been almost a year since I can’t find peace. There was something terrible happened in my life, made my own world collapsed for several months. I can’t stop asking myself why some things in my life had happened, I can’t find explanation. Some of my posts are attempts to find out of how some things are working and is it possible it was this or not…
Moving more back into past, few years ago I was about to start my life once again and I had plans to move to Canada. Why there? Because it’s far enough for a new beggining and I have a friend there, so it makes things easy, because if you don’t know something, you have someone trusted to ask about it.
I didn’t go only because I’ve met the girl and started relationship. But it wasn’t just a girl, it was girl, which I knew from childhood, so I thought, she is the person I know really well…
Rest of the story might be to personal but also might be necessary to explain few important things.
She was about to quit her marriage, which wasn’t very well, they didn’t lived together everything was about to be the end and she was the one to start our relationship, so I felt justified.
I’ve broken one of my own rules, dating with married woman, it’s bad, no matter what is happening in the marriage, don’t get in between…
They’ve finished it and we could be together…
After few month I found out she was cheating on me, we have spoken, I gave her second chance and everything seemed to be good.
When I said good I mean really good, at least this is how I saw that. But from the other hand it seem that she also was happy with me, because we got married last year, April 30th…
Less than half year she met another guy and exactly six months after our wedding, our married was destroyed. I was trying to fix it, even when I haven’t done anything wrong, or if I did, she never told me about it. But for real and seriously I have no idea what could I’ve done wrong, I’m respectful, not beating, not drinking, I’m not addicted to hazard or anything… her family also new me since childhood, so we had good relations.
With my wife we was traveling, we had great plans etc. I broughts flowers and took care of her and maybe I was just doing too much. Yes, it’s possible, if you’re doing too much the other person can have enough and feel bad about that. But what you expect from your partner is conversation. If something is wrong, let your partner know about that, no one is a mind reader.
At this moment you can think, what’s your problem man? those things happens…
That’s right and if it end on this I would be angry, sad and disappointed by some time, but the worst thing was who she met. The guy was kind of manipulator with some psychological problems and he was convincing her, that she is possessed…
You can think how this is even possible, that she was with this kind of person and even today I have no idea about that. In result she attempted to commit suicide by three times…
Somwhere in between all this happenings she asked me to move out…
I was still trying to take care about her and fix our marriage.
When you getting marriage you swaer to be with your beloved to the end of your days and for me promises at all are sacred, you can’t break given word…
It is so naive from my side, of course people are not keeping their promises…
But it doesn’t mean, that I have to be the same as others.

From all this stressful situations I’ve lost around 80-90 pounds, I was looking really bad…
You can see me before and today, writing this post, fortunatelly I don’t have any picture from around 6-8 months ago, when was the worst time for me…


In our wedding anniversary I gave up completely. I had wrote few posts before, but it was still to early for that, so we can say I’ve started probably in June.
So now you can find out what makes some of my posts a little bit bitter…

Now I’m waiting for divorce case in october, which makes me think about all of this more and more everyday, because I don’t know what is right to do.
When the judge will ask is it true that is no one fault our marriage ends I can say it’s not, because as I believe you have to pay the price for your actions, but from the other side I’m affraid that she can attemp to commit suicide again.
Someone can say, why to worry about this, it’s not my problem anymore, but we are talking about other human beign and it’s deffinately inappropriate to the guilt.
So this is it…

I always wanted to provide happy life (as everyone of course, only for each person it can have different meaning). Live with beloved wife traveling together and fulfill eachother, support eachother have someone to miss for when we cannot be together etc. very simple things. Now my faith in it is damaged and I’m trying to rebuilt it.
It’s one of conditions before I will meet someone new, the other is divorce.
You can say I’m complaining, but am I? What I’m doing right now is trying to throw out all the pain from the inside…
Now I’m 34 years old and I see a lot of things the same as before and the same as I was much younger. In my age it’s more like I’m realise where I am in my life and see more while looking back into past, I can see how fast life is going and I’m more serious about my life. What can be interesting, I don’t think about myself as about old or middle age man and deffinately I don’t feel it at all. Last time I even thought about how it is, that some men hitting to much younger girls and by some part it can be this, because when I’m talking with 20 years old girl I don’t feel the difference between us and I have to realize that it’s 14 years! But I remember when I was about 20 years old, someone 34 years old seemed as at least middle age to me. It’s interesting how perspective can change with time.
I was always taking life in positive way and it didn’t changed, even when I know World never will be a perfect place, I’m still trying to make it better, but I’m trying speak to a reason which is harder than speak to emotions. All the “great leaders” who made masses to follow them had spoke to emotions and as more primal and stronger emotions they had spoken to, as greater masses they moved.
World without money and wars is theoretically possible, theoretically…
Still if we cannot do it perfect, we can work to do it better.
Finally this post doesn’t seem to be inappropriate, which is good.
As is kind of relief for me, I hope you can find it as helpful somehow for you.

At the end I would like to thank those bloggers who are reading each my posts, I appreciate it.
Thank You.